My birthday treat?!?

It was my birthday and I was still dating the Stand In. I don’t really like making a fuss of my birthday, it’s been a bit of a shit occasion for easily the last 17 years so I hadn’t really seen the point. He’d asked me to be free for the weekend and drive to his, 50 miles away and he would treat me for the weekend. I was pretty excited as this felt new. So Friday after work I packed up the car with my dogs and drive over.

I got there and he’d cooked which was sweet and told me we were going to The countryside for Saturday, we could walk the dogs and his mother lived there. Sounded okay….

He wakes me up early, like stupid o’clock on my birthday and hurries me up. We get in my car… my car is bigger and I had to drive ON MY BIRTHDAY to his mother’s. Basically he had major guilt about not seeing his mother enough and took the opportunity for me to drive him there and kill two birds with one stone!!!! To be fair she was incredibly sweet and it was lovely to meet her, the resemblance was uncanny!

The drive there was stressful, my car played up a bit and he was more worried we’d be late than the fact I had freed myself up for my birthday weekend and we were going to see his mother!?!

I smiled the whole day but to be honest was wishing I was with ‘the one’. There were a lot of Facebook well wishes and that really made me happy, but nothing from the one I really wanted. We were at a local pub, food was mediocre to be honest but I had a nice chat with his mum and the day was pleasant.

Just after eating my messages pinged, it was a really sweet message from ‘the one’ just hoping I was good and having a nice day. This made my day and really set me thinking.

So we dropped his mum home and drove back to his. On the way he told me he had a surprise so we stopped in Narberth. Me wondering what it was. He wanted to take me in a deli to buy what he saw as really good food. And wanted to buy me a Paella pan, this just really showed how little he really knew me. This wasn’t my idea of fun, it was his. Trying not to sound ungrateful here, I sound a right bitch. But I like listening to metal, riding horses, motorbikes, paintball and anything that involves opening up my inner child. This felt like I was preparing for death and a night in with my slippers… which is pretty much what happened for my birthday night; a bottle of over priced wine (I hate wine), smelly cheese and a film I don’t even remember because it was that dull, using my Netflix account and my chrome cast!!!

With my dogs locked in the kitchen because they scared his cats, and a real lack lustre night in his cold house that stank of cat pee I felt dismal. I had a message off Mr Married also wishing me a happy birthday and he hoped this one was spoiling me. So I lied that he was…

I never expect birthday presents, haven’t had them really in years, so had said please don’t worry. I was on higher pay as he quite often observed and him spending money on me made me feel guilty. He made a big fuss that he’d spent a fortune on stuff I wanted but couldn’t have it till I was at mine and my daughter was with us.

Back at mine a few days after with my daughter back from her dad’s he decided we could celebrate my birthday. He’d bought a nice cake and made a massive fuss over presents. I really wished he hadn’t, he gave me a bracket that I would just never wear, I don’t wear jewellery and new bike gloves, nice gesture but I already had a really good triumph pair and these were too big. I looked happy feeling sad inside, I felt so guilty for not liking the presents, they were just totally not me and really showed he just had no idea about who I really was. I wore the bracelet to show him he hadn’t wasted his money, he made a massive fuss that it cost him a bomb and this made me feel worse.

What was wrong with me hey? Lots of girls would love this?!? Trouble is I’m just not lots of girls, the generic offereings, the generic day, generic food, wine blah blah just were a reflection of him not me. He was trying to mould me into his middle class ideal and kept jokingly referring to me as his wife which made me shudder. This wasn’t working, 2 months in it was not going to work but the guilt, he was good at that, it would take me a while to get past the fear of disappointing him…. to be continued…

 

 

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The Stand In

So back in the Summer of 2016 I met the Stand In. I was and still am in love with ‘The One’ that never went away, but thinking he was gone forever I thought well at least this guy seems nice. I met him at work, I had a raging hangover and it was a Friday, he had booked a meeting with me on a Friday afternoon of all times and I was furious, nobody does that!!!

So I go into the meeting grumpy and hungover. He was actually pretty nice, I was very honest that I didn’t want to be there and we just ended up talking. He had totally grey hair, but turned out he was my age. And I thought, well as he works in the office 50 miles away I was unlikely to see him again and so I kinda forgot.

The next week it was department drinks and he was there. We got chatting and he seemed nice and one thing led to another and I thought “well why not?” We went back to mine and had very drunken sex. The next morning he was up at the crack of dawn which was just weird and went home. I carried on thinking “Well bye, that was fun I guess” but really didn’t want anything else. That’s where the guilt later came. He asked to meet in the week, we did and he pursuaded me we should have a relationship…. his exact words. So worn down I agreed. This was the start of the really really nice guy who was actually very controlling. Initially he had little idiosyncrasies that reminded me of the one, and I thought perhaps I’d met an older version of him. It was so strange, for the first month there were so many similarities, love of martial arts, he kept fit and healthy and words that he said that I was fooled. Then the Muppets obsession started to surface. This guy thought the muppets was the best thing ever. Worst still he kept pulling weird faces and making noises like a muppet, this irritated me more and more each time to the point I wanted to punch him!!! He stopped being the older version of the one and started being controlling in a way that was totally different to control I’d experienced in the past, more sneaky, caring, making me eat, deciding on holidays I didn’t want.

He would often slag my daughter’s dad off and this really used to piss me off! How dare he comment! He was a guest in our house and he was abusing his status. But this negativity was actually him showing his insecurities. He so desperately wanted to stand in as my daughter’s dad that he even started commenting on my parenting choices. He had to go!!!!

Also sex after a couple of weeks just got boring, it was like he had a routine, he was so predictable, nothing like the one. I was bored. He wasn’t going to last… to be Continued…