It was my birthday and I was still dating the Stand In. I don’t really like making a fuss of my birthday, it’s been a bit of a shit occasion for easily the last 17 years so I hadn’t really seen the point. He’d asked me to be free for the weekend and drive to his, 50 miles away and he would treat me for the weekend. I was pretty excited as this felt new. So Friday after work I packed up the car with my dogs and drive over.
I got there and he’d cooked which was sweet and told me we were going to The countryside for Saturday, we could walk the dogs and his mother lived there. Sounded okay….
He wakes me up early, like stupid o’clock on my birthday and hurries me up. We get in my car… my car is bigger and I had to drive ON MY BIRTHDAY to his mother’s. Basically he had major guilt about not seeing his mother enough and took the opportunity for me to drive him there and kill two birds with one stone!!!! To be fair she was incredibly sweet and it was lovely to meet her, the resemblance was uncanny!
The drive there was stressful, my car played up a bit and he was more worried we’d be late than the fact I had freed myself up for my birthday weekend and we were going to see his mother!?!
I smiled the whole day but to be honest was wishing I was with ‘the one’. There were a lot of Facebook well wishes and that really made me happy, but nothing from the one I really wanted. We were at a local pub, food was mediocre to be honest but I had a nice chat with his mum and the day was pleasant.
Just after eating my messages pinged, it was a really sweet message from ‘the one’ just hoping I was good and having a nice day. This made my day and really set me thinking.
So we dropped his mum home and drove back to his. On the way he told me he had a surprise so we stopped in Narberth. Me wondering what it was. He wanted to take me in a deli to buy what he saw as really good food. And wanted to buy me a Paella pan, this just really showed how little he really knew me. This wasn’t my idea of fun, it was his. Trying not to sound ungrateful here, I sound a right bitch. But I like listening to metal, riding horses, motorbikes, paintball and anything that involves opening up my inner child. This felt like I was preparing for death and a night in with my slippers… which is pretty much what happened for my birthday night; a bottle of over priced wine (I hate wine), smelly cheese and a film I don’t even remember because it was that dull, using my Netflix account and my chrome cast!!!
With my dogs locked in the kitchen because they scared his cats, and a real lack lustre night in his cold house that stank of cat pee I felt dismal. I had a message off Mr Married also wishing me a happy birthday and he hoped this one was spoiling me. So I lied that he was…
I never expect birthday presents, haven’t had them really in years, so had said please don’t worry. I was on higher pay as he quite often observed and him spending money on me made me feel guilty. He made a big fuss that he’d spent a fortune on stuff I wanted but couldn’t have it till I was at mine and my daughter was with us.
Back at mine a few days after with my daughter back from her dad’s he decided we could celebrate my birthday. He’d bought a nice cake and made a massive fuss over presents. I really wished he hadn’t, he gave me a bracket that I would just never wear, I don’t wear jewellery and new bike gloves, nice gesture but I already had a really good triumph pair and these were too big. I looked happy feeling sad inside, I felt so guilty for not liking the presents, they were just totally not me and really showed he just had no idea about who I really was. I wore the bracelet to show him he hadn’t wasted his money, he made a massive fuss that it cost him a bomb and this made me feel worse.
What was wrong with me hey? Lots of girls would love this?!? Trouble is I’m just not lots of girls, the generic offereings, the generic day, generic food, wine blah blah just were a reflection of him not me. He was trying to mould me into his middle class ideal and kept jokingly referring to me as his wife which made me shudder. This wasn’t working, 2 months in it was not going to work but the guilt, he was good at that, it would take me a while to get past the fear of disappointing him…. to be continued…