Keep It Simple Stupid!

I work in a world of tech! I love it! I am always looking at the newest ways to do things, make it quicker, more efficient and of course cheaper with the same amount of boom in the box. I love a bit of research and development, in fact without research and development we would not be where we’re at today. It’s those guys at the forefront doing the clever unimaginable things that make this world progress, for better, or for worse.

But saying that there needs to be a point where research and development stays just there. I’m not talking in the context of the whole world, more in the context of in day to day life because actually the effects of implementing the latest bit of R&D in your real world isn’t even necessary! I see this with apps all the time! Apps do my box in when they get upgraded, they always, and I mean always come with bugs. My latest IOS upgrade made my phone unusable until the patch came out. Why? Probably because someone got excited, checked it in and hit the button too quick to deploy it! Hell, okay first world problems… but still…

In my working life I’m the girl looking after proofs of concept. Exciting isn’t it? Well yes it definitely is, but there’s a responsibility placed on me to make sure what I recommend is for the good of the company and not just because I want a new toy. I am the queen of all things innovation when it comes to data, but actually when the foundations are not there to start with you can’t go pulling the crazy shit you see on the internet just because someone else did.

Today was an interesting day. I’ve been hired at a place that I really love working where there some improvements to be made but also some people who like to read all about the latest things that are going on in the tech world. And here’s where the problem lies. They read it, they play in the online sandbox, and then they want it, even though they don’t really know what it is. We get the technology fan boys too, you know the ones, they have the latest everything of their favourite brand, even though the other cheaper brand does it better.

What I often find is the implementations of new unknown technology can so often have been a hark back to that 5 year old in the shop that saw the toy and wanted it, even though they didn’t know what it was but everyone else said they had one so they wanted it too! What do you end up with? Well in my case luckily just a couple of virtual Machines, a couple of frightened developers and soon a white paper saying, it’s a bad idea right now.

So here’s what I look for when I’m picking a strategy for technology. First things first, what’s actually broken? A lot of the time it’s not broken, someone just got bored of it and wanted to make a new one. Nothing wrong with that, but is there something more broken that needs your attention, the answer is always yes.

Secondly, why are you looking at the new shiny thing? If you read about it on the internet and thought, well this could fix my problem, great, but now go back to the actual problem and think about it properly rather than build the thing because someone told you it’s the next silver bullet. So many times I’ve seen things get bought, contracts signed with no direction for what it’s actually going to improve.

Lastly, are you doing this because of ego? We love to show off, be the first or perhaps even the bigger boys have it and we want to be just like them. It’s easily done in the competitive world that is business and IT is an area that it happens the most! Very often the new thing requires new skills that people just don’t have and you’re sat with a bunch of guys trying to figure out how the hell to make this work.

Today we can automate our homes, I can make my phone tell the thing in my house to switch the other thing on to make the heating work. I can shout at the box that makes the online shopping store send me my stuff and change my TV channel. But what is the actual value? I’m not sure. When my car goes wrong I spend ages buggering about normally trying to do something to bypass the CPU because technology made my Landrover less efficient, okay out of the factory it drove like a dream but a confused CPU and you’re spending hundreds just fixing something simple! On the other hand my very mechanical motorbike can be striped down and put back together in just a few hours because the people who made it kept it simple. And here’s the message, simple is just better, we don’t make food with a million flavours, we don’t listen to music with all the notes in the chromatic scale playing all at once. And if we want our tech to work properly we have to start small and grow it over time carefully. The Big Bang approach will only have its casualties, normally my sanity.

Keep it simple stupid, is the best advice I ever had. You can write an algorithm that wipes your arse in theory, but actually it’s all theoretical and sometimes you’ve just got to stick with the tried and tested method and that is perfectly and absolutely okay… just relax…

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Negative Dwelling

With this week’s news events I wonder about the world a little. The events in themselves are distressing and sad with lots of people who were at a place trying to enjoy life being murdered at present without any known reason or cause. A so called crazy man letting loose on people he probably didn’t know and then himself. You have to wonder what drives a person to this.

But that is as far as it goes for me as a remote onlooker almost on the other side of the world. I’ve started to witness how events like this actually become a detrimental distraction to the problems we face on our own door steps. Since yesterday, at work I’ve listened to a group of people dwelling on the events as they unfold, every little detail scourged over for a new bit of information and discussed at length, their work put aside in order to discuss the event that they have no control or influence over like rubber necking at at car crash site. The outpourings on social media, the tweets of celebrities all with no real benefit to the situation. I wonder what good the dwelling does.

If anything it makes me become more annoyed at the dwelling than the event itself. I feel the same about all of these things. There were times in the past I too would put up my two pence worth, change my Facebook photo to reflect solidarity and join in with the modern world’s outpouring of pain at the loss that the tragic event has caused. But I think I hit a point of realisation when I questioned what good this actually does.

My small gesture may perhaps bolster the feelings of those who survive, but I wonder if when put in the position of the people left behind whether I’d really care all that much if someone changed their Facebook photo or poured over the details on the news. Are we not just creating more negativity by dwelling so much?

I think the biggest injustice in the way we dwell is that there are valuable lives and non-valuable lives and they all depend upon the country we’re from. In Syria alone there are over 2000 innocent civilian deaths recorded and yet still the bombs are sent across from our developed countries to “help” yet I rarely hear it spoken of to the extent of a mass shooting in the US or another developed country. The Iraq Body Count Project has recorded over 100,000 innocent civilians dead, significantly higher than that recorded by the British Government in 2009 of just 66,000. Yet much as we protested, once we were done we were done, there was not much thought for the actual people and the lives destroyed, more political chess, spin and satire with the manoeuvring and finger pointing of parliament, the lives of the people forgotten as mere cannon fodder.

But we forget, perhaps we just accept that in war death is inevitable, so we just accept. In times of civil unrest, casualties and anger are inevitable and so we just accept. The shock of the actions that we just accept only become shocking when they happen in the wrong situation because we as the human race were not prepared. We didn’t expect it in the local school, but when it happened in Africa it was in a war zone and so we looked the other way. When it happened at a concert we felt so much anguish, but in the war zone there’s no time for concerts so it happens instead in their very houses, their schools, their playgrounds, their local shops, their temples. But we look the other way because it’s been agreed it can happen there. We dwell because we didn’t agree the tragedy could happen in the places we didn’t expect. We dwell because we didn’t expect that the tragedy would happen in those circumstances. When the 96 got justice, it was a day to rejoice for the families of the victims who fought long and hard for a simple apology. But who will take the governments who sell the weapons to governments who press the button, who mobilise their troupes to the other sides of the earth to ask the same questions on behalf of the children who died in their beds? The sad thing is, probably no one. Yes we’ve had our inquiries but what were they really for? The relatives of the dead were not there to see it, it was again a matter of political manoeuvring.

Until we see that a person’s death is a sad thing regardless of the situation, regardless of the ground on which it happens, regardless of who pulled the trigger, hit the button or set of the bomb, our dwelling is disproportionate to the lives that are actually lost at the hands of those who are mindless in violence.

And so I’d rather not dwell at all. And so I’d rather look after the things that are here for me to do. It’s not that I don’t care, it’s that my caring is better put to use when I can actually help. If we all cared a little more about what’s here in front of us, perhaps we’d all be less easily distracted by the actions of those we know nothing about, and the tragedies would lessen because everyone would be busy caring about what really matters. But I am an idealist, a dreamer perhaps. Because whilst life exists it will never be fair. Our actions come back to us normally times three, dwelling brings more dwelling, only positive thoughts and actions will make the world a better place.

Offended… any need?

In this world of politically correct rules and regulations I find myself walking on egg shells with this dark old sense of humour I have… I often observe people being offended and to be honest about 95% of the time I’m not sure they should be. I often think that being offended is a mindset that people have already decided they’re going to have before even a single word is uttered and it can often reflect more about the person who is offended than the person who is being offensive.

What good does being offended do? And do we ever have the right to actually be offended? I often find that expressing offence makes people look a bit like they’re being a dick. When I say the word Fuck or even the dreaded C word so many people look in horror at what the bad lady just did. But these are just words. Perhaps it should be considered that the intent behind the words need to be thought about before offence is taken. So when people banter, should we be offended? No, banter is just that, I get regularly told that my feet are small so I can stand closer to the sink. Yes I’m a working woman, does this offend me? No it makes me laugh and results in a hilarious retaliation. With the right people banter can always be upped and that’s what makes it fun.

Perhaps I’m just way too chilled. Today I witnessed some stupid behaviour, road rage is one of the silliest. Like what is the point? A guy was sat behind beeping his horn at my brother who couldn’t move any further forward. My brother gets irate because he can’t move forward, the guy continues to beep because he was blocking the road down to his own stupidity and so there was a stale mate going on. Everyone being offended by everyone else. What the hell was the point? The answer, none, I just don’t see why people get so stressed out. If there’s nothing you can do then save all your gum bumping until you can. It’s that modern day throwback to the “I challenge you to a duel!” When one person dies at dawn and actually it’s all about ego… is there really any point?

There are times when yes being offended is justified. If someone’s rights to be equal are oppressed then yes being offended if you are that person is totally fine and expected. People should be standing up for the oppressed, by pointing it out and asking for change. What gets to me is when someone isn’t offended at all and yet someone, a by stander to the one not offended whips out their HR manual quoting rule 7.2.8.b word for word and causes a stir. Is there really any point? Would it not have been better to just check first if the situation was actually causing offence?

I lived with someone once who found Gavin and Stacey offensive, because it showed Welsh people in a negative light, when actually it was portraying people that really exist and was written collaboratively by Welsh people and the portrayal of English people was just as negative if we are to see it that way.

My favourite anecdote about being offended was a night at a comedy club arranged by a team of girls who love to be offended. There was nothing really offensive going on, the comedians were taking the piss out of life situations and making a mockery of things as they are. Yet this entire little clique managed to find it offensive and the look on their angry faces was almost funnier than the comedy itself. The irony being that they had booked the damned thing in the first place!

So my thought for the day… chill the fuck out! Step back… are you actually offended? Or is your ego in someway just hurting or are you seeing this as some sort of way to grab five minutes of attention?

Yes we all know there are things we should not say, we all know there is a history of human kind where the behaviour and mind sets were offensive and wrong. But this is the past, it’s done, we need to move on. I don’t need to burn my bra on the street to prove I’m an equal, I’ll just carry on being equal and say a firm “fuck you” to anyone who disagrees. I’m not offended by the immigrant who comes here to work their arse off at a job most people born on this soil wouldn’t dream of doing. For me the most offensive thing a person can be is ignorant. But I generally prefer to laugh at it, what is the point in getting upset when someone is so ignorant they can’t see the truth of the world in front of them? Just take a step back and laugh at their stupid, because you don’t need to worry, and they have no idea they should…

Alone isn’t lonely

So Tinder is back on and I’ll be honest I’m at the point of hitting delete already! What has this week taught me? That you really are better off just being yourself and really not worrying about finding someone right now. Okay so my date yesterday went well. He’s nice, I might just see him again. His life, considerably more complicated than mine right now… he’s separated but they still live in the same place with their small children having decided to actually call it a day on their relationship 2 years ago. His head is in the right place, so that’s good. Was he everything I want? I’m not really sure. I’m just gonna see where it all goes. But I’ve got time and I’m in no rush, there’s no urgency for either of us, so that’s okay.

The trouble with Tinder or any other site for that matter is you have to meet a few scary people before you get to a good one. So this week we have a new stalker. Initially this guy seemed nice, honest, all the right words, he seemed sorted. His girlfriend has split up with him when his small daughter came back into his life. I felt bad for him, I decided to get to know him a little. That’s where I made the mistake of deciding to swap numbers. Again messages were normal, sweet, he seemed grounded.

We talked on the phone and I’ll be honest we wasn’t what I expected, he was starting to sound clingy. Warning signs were all there. I decided I probably wouldn’t meet him after all. He let slip about smoking weed, instantly I’m just not interested any more. I don’t want to be babysitting some guy who cannot cope with life to the point he needs to knock himself out every night with drugs, which was how it was starting to sound. So I left it at that. The weekend he’s plagued me with messages, “where are you?”, “why are you not replying?” And oh god here we go… true colours appear to have just shone through. Now I get it, I have been there, when you are so insecure you believe the world is getting one over on you. But I’m not in the market for having to prove that I’m trustworthy when I do decide to be in a relationship. This guy clearly cannot curb his suspicions around people and is way too full on! We haven’t even met yet and in his head we are somehow in a relationship. I’ve made myself very clear. I’m busy, I will not be controlled and I’m not falling for guilt trips.

The me of a few years back would have yielded, would have dropped down to his level and allowed myself to be controlled, would have been insulted and have tried to prove my trustworthiness. But I’m not that girl anymore. I’ve realised that I’m stronger on my own. I’ve realised I don’t have to prove anything. I’ve realised that if someone doesn’t like it then they really can just do one, because I’m not responsible for this guy’s past hurt and I refuse to take it on.

I don’t need needy snapchat guys… I now appear to have a few, I don’t care how suspicious it might look if I log into WhatsApp to read a message and don’t read theirs. I just don’t care what these people think. Because the right guy just won’t be that desperate, the right guy will have his own shit to do just like I have mine.

This week is a me week. Nobody is getting any of my precious time, apart from my daughter of course. The good news is the book is starting to happen properly. Taking the time to write is therapeutic. Watching TV on my own means nobody interrupts me. Our society teaches us that in order to be successful in life we must not be alone. Society has this all so very wrong. When we remove that pressure of keeping up appearances to conform to an unwritten rule of convention, we’re suddenly free and life is good. When people ask me “how in the hell are you single?” I don’t take it as an insult that I am, I see it that I’ve got to the realisation that together isn’t necessarily always better, together might just be the thing that kills you.

When you get over the idea that alone means lonely, you start to realise that you only want people who enhance your life in it. Walking away is the easiest thing in the world because you’re free. I’m not here to rescue anybody. When I needed help I rescued myself. People generally are only scared to be alone because they don’t know the person that lives inside. They only know the superficial person who lives in the space that they fill when interacting with others. But life is richer once you get to know who you really are, and once you do you can never go back to the way it was before…

Playing with matches

So I’m back trying Tinder again. I have a date tonight. I have mixed feelings. It’s funny when you go on the site where you met all your ex’s and see that, well you deleted your account when you were seeing them but low and behold they’re still there, same profile same stuff. That about proves the point for me I guess. These guys look for a relationship but when they find the potential for one they run away screaming and go back into the dating pool for some other poor girl to meet.

Or perhaps just their true intentions never matched their words. They like to have a girl who will be devoted but don’t want to give the same back. So within the first few swipes four of my previous guy’s came up. Each had demonstrated commitment issues in their behaviour. It’s funny how you view the profile you initially read the first time and think “Yeah but I know the real story”. I’m a lot more cut throat I guess these days, the mere suggestion that they want to just mess around and I unmatch. I’d rather not put myself through that again.

So the guy I’m meeting tonight is my age. He has children, he’s divorced. I really hope he’s over it and not going to still be in that stage of hurt that so many divorcees are. I’m not here to be a parent to someone’s grown up son, I’m here to be an equal in a relationship with someone who can actually do that.

Having heard nothing since from the one who made me forget, I’m feeling quite happy go lucky. I’m not in a rush to do the settling down thing, I just don’t want all my time eaten up by a guy who needs to be in my presence constantly, neither do I want to be ignored. I’m looking for balance and the right guy will want that too. Material things don’t really bother me but basic ability to live life as an adult does.

So this guy is an animator, he seems pretty creative and like he may have a similar sense of humour to me. Some of me is relived that he already has children, the pressure to do that again won’t be there hopefully. I’m very happy just not having any more, I guess I’ve been there and done that. We’ll see as time goes how I feel about that though, it’s a pretty fluid feeling.

You have to start to wonder, perhaps the dating app is the downfall in itself. It proves that there are lots of choices out there. We’re all scared to make the wrong choice again and in being that way we distance ourselves from the potential that the new person can bring to your life. It’s the new version of the person who already has someone going out and playing the field but the whole field is visible and therefore more tempting.

I had a dream last night that on my way home from this up and coming date as the guy kissed me, my ex and his fiancé walked past laughing. The feeling was embarrassment, at them seeing me trying to make something work when they seemingly have it already so sorted. I have to admit, I do often feel a little judged by people who haven’t been through this situation. They assume online dating is just a great big sex party. And when you’re not in the frame of mind to be in a relationship it can be. But actually once you weed through the mommies boys, the commitment-a-phobes and the guys who are there just to boost their ego, you can find someone who’s in the same place as you mentally. It just takes a little longer sometimes.

There is nothing wrong with you if you know what you want. It’s better to be that way than waste the time of everyone you meet. Everyone who tells you “I’m not that kind of person” is not telling you the truth when it comes to one night stands, because with the wrong person we all are. It’s just the way it is, the crux being that we are all driven by a need for sex, if it goes a certain amount of time we look for it. That is just human biology, and anyone telling you otherwise is hiding their true self. I guess the best thing to do is admit it, get it out of your system so that when the person who could be right for you is there, you are ready to actually consider the whole relationship thing and do it properly.

That way no one gets hurt. So we’ll see what this guy is like, I’ve got some hopes, and some reservations because I’ve been disappointed before when I’ve decided that I’m going to meet the “right one” this time.

I’m a woman who’s majority friendship groups are men, this puts an insecure guy off. I play the boys at their own games and they don’t like it. So today feels like an open book. If the previous guy ever comes back I’m not sure what I’ll do, there was a connection for both of us but he was too cowardly to deal with it when I gave him what he asked for. Perhaps I’ll be more cautious this time. But these guys have to realise that there’s a fire built ready to be lit, it they light the fire then it will start to burn. You pour petrol on it to speed it up it will either burn out quickly or burn down the house. If you can’t handle the fire, don’t light it, step away, even grown man children shouldn’t play with matches.

I Surrender

So I gave myself the space the think. After Thursdays date which I’m now glad nothing much other than a drink and a goodnight kiss happened, I’ve decided that guy wasn’t for me, and guess what, rather than keeping him hanging, I’ve told him already. I’m not waiting for the one who makes me forget to come back either. If he does, we’ll see. If he doesn’t his loss.

I kinda think that after everything that’s happened it’s time to give it a rest. Time to stop worrying about finding the right person because when I do it’s either a guy who I like but he’s too immature to tell me straight what he wants, or plays games, or it’s a guy who’s just so lonely and desperate that he starts to get stalky and I don’t want either of these things.

I kind of wonder if this is the loneliness that is a strong woman’s lot. You meet a guy on a dating app, he’s either bigged himself up because he’s insecure, or hidden everything about himself because he’s insecure too. You’re downright honest and upfront, you tell him about yourself, and he either thinks, “well I can’t compete” or “I’ll have a damned good go”.

The guys on Elite Dating, well they are in no way elite, they’re on every other dating app too.

This is the thing, it’s the same shit, different app. Perhaps actually you can meet someone organically. So that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to really leave it to the universe and not technology. I don’t want these experiences to make me cynical but it’s starting to happen so it’s time to stop.

Perhaps I’m just too lazy in my old age. Perhaps more it’s just I’m too old for this shit! If there’s gonna be a guy he’ll have his shit together and will damned well tell me!

Tomorrow is my birthday and I turn 38! Scary isn’t it? Getting older can make you feel really insecure. I know that single guys without kids are looking to have them, and sometimes I think it’s my age that puts them off. ‘The one’ split up with me for that reason once, it hurt so much. He was the person I was willing to put my body through that again for, but he didn’t want to put me through it. There’s nothing like being told you’re perfect but you’re too old. The dumb thing is I’m probably biologically younger than most of the girls he’s dated because I take the time to look after myself. I wear sunscreen every day, I drink lots of water, I eat right. The turns you’ve had around the sun really don’t mean all that much.

I’m still undecided about whether I’d have children again. It’s not a burning desire right now, and the idea of putting another first for another 18 years after I’ve already done that since I was young is a decision I’d really have to consider, but with the right guy I would. Perhaps the one who made me forget who was clearly going to make a good dad one day had decided that I wouldn’t and that was his problem, perhaps we’ll just never know.

Perhaps the fact I already have a teenage daughter put him off. Some men assume that responsibility will fall on them and they don’t want that, when it’s not even what me or my daughter want either.

So I sent him one last text, I kinda know in my heart he’ll never reply. It was a bit of a long one along the gist of I’m sorry, I wish him well, I’m confused what happened, I hope he’s okay. Too needy, probably. I have no idea how to play these games so I just don’t play them. I loose when I do so I just don’t contend.

Perhaps that’s half the issue, everyone else is playing games too. So when you meet a guy and you don’t play games, because the last one did, he has no idea whether you’re telling the truth or not. The last one ruins it for the new one and it’s a vicious circle.

I went out with a friend last night who is becoming a good friend. He’s had similar problems and also kinda gave up. It’s really just sad that you get to the point where you feel that way. Your bright blue butterflies turn into drab brown moths because you’re expecting the worst and so attract that instead.

So I hold my hands up! I quit! I’m waving the white flag of surrender! I’m not looking for a one night stand, I don’t think I ever really was, boredom and my insecurities led me down that path a few times in the past. Sometimes you do that because you feel the need to prove you’ve still got it, sad really. The guys who send dick pics can really all fuck off. What leads a man the think that’s acceptable? I don’t know? You’re talking and then… oh there it is… yes we’ve all played at sexting and sometimes it’s fun, but when you make out you want something different and then change the tune so suddenly it’s just down right creepy.

Time to take some alone time, time to concentrate on home, ramp up my career further and stop procrastinating.

Being a lonely queen is better than being lumbered with the court jester for eternal company…

Freedom Cake

So it’s the end of Monday… thank goodness that’s over! Today was a struggle to get out of bed, I dunno about you but here where I live Monday started off cold and rainy. It got me thinking about priorities in my life. Obviously right now my job has to be one of them but turning up for the 9-5 is a struggle. I don’t think, in fact I know that humans are not programmed to do this 9-5 think. Ever feel like you’re chasing your tail? Me too.

The thing is I like what I do, I love what I do! The people I work with are great, the technology I get to design is great, so what is my problem? I wonder if some of it is purely a rebellious streak that I just can’t break. The idea that I must conform, I must be on time, wear the right clothes, say the right things, not make anyone cry… blah blah… probably.

You see, having conformed to rules my whole life I’m at that point of realisation that a lot of these rules are utter bollocks. Who wrote them? Where did they come from? What are they for? I get it, turning up on time makes us all do the same thing, wearing appropriate clothing kinda makes sense… turning up dressed like a stripper could be distracting. Not making people cry, well I try not to, although the effort of having to beat it around the bush till the penny drops rather than just saying it like it is makes me want to cry sometimes. We’re all adults here right?

I think tomorrow I’ll try harder and give myself a free ticket for today. Tonight I might actually get my clothes ready the night before and be a little more prepared. Perhaps this is what I partly object to. My free time being eaten into by preparation for work time when I would sort of like to turn up as myself and not worry if I’m conforming.

My dream, career wise, which I’d never really considered till perhaps six months ago is to not have a job at all one day. How long this will take Im not 100% sure. But by deciding that this is my goal I’m already putting this in motion. I enjoy the hubbub of the office yes, but I also enjoy not having to be in the office, I sort of want the best of both worlds…. the ambivert screams for balance.

Now, if I’m to get 8 hours sleep (I never get 8 hours sleep), spend 7.5 hours in the office, take an hour lunch, this leaves me with just 7.5 hours on a weekday to be myself… but, let’s face it, there’s an hour before work of getting ready and travelling, half an hour (yes I’m lucky) of getting home. Suddenly there’s not much time left. No wonder I stay up late, I’m trying to regain that time for myself.

Luckily nowadays the office doesn’t come home. I used to live with someone who worked for the same company, that was relationship suicide. You just can’t leave the office behind. Whilst yes you can sympathise about who pissed the other person off today, I found that it makes you dwell on it more and you just can’t get away from it. At least I now can and I hope he can too. Perhaps that was one of the repeating patterns I saw with the Stand In, it became a similar situation. Especially when you both have different opinions on a person’s professional ability because you see them in a different light. Or perhaps some people are just plain negative.

I’ve certainly regained some work life balance by moving company, but I still want more, or a flip in that balance to be more of a life-work balance.

Perhaps I’m asking just a little too much, perhaps I’m just tired. It is pushing me to change it though. Quite how, I’m not sure, but I’m determined that I will. 18 year old me would be horrified that I step foot in and office every day, but the office job has taught me discipline that I would not have learnt about had I not done so. Perhaps I need to take these life lessons now and fly solo. It may take a few years but I’m determined and when I put my mind to things I always do it. So today I’m committing to myself, today I’m deciding to work to live and not live to work. Some may be horrified, but I think most will agree. I don’t want to be the person who is lost at whatever retirement age will be when I get there because my work life is over and I don’t know what to do with myself. I want to be the person who stepped out and took a bow early because I found freedom. That’s what this is about, the need for freedom, I’ve had a taste of it and I like it. My life has changed significantly in the last 2 years but it’s not yet cooked. I was merely reading the recipe or perhaps even researching the ingredients to make my own. Now it’s time to start planning that recipe, because I know what the outcome should be, a cake with all the sweetness of being relatively affluent, the lightness of freedom all iced with the excitement of doing new things. The decorations will be a world fully travelled, a happy home filled with love and the outputs of a creative mind. Being rich isn’t really the goal here, but enabling myself to experience everything I can in the time that I have is. That for me is freedom, the freedom to choose what I do and how I do it. The vision is delicious, perhaps synesthesia helps there, because the colours of the rainbow each have a flavour. Now to get them in the right order to bake this cake and make it rise…