It’s funny how you get dreams you remember and the ones you don’t, then the ones so vivid that they play on your mind. I think last night I got a little bit of extra closure in one of my more vivid ones. It started with a conversation with my daughter’s dad in the dream. Prior to going to sleep I’d been reflecting on the past a little, some things that had happened that had a big effect and realised that I was actually a lot stronger as a result of some of those things. Okay at the time of the split I didn’t feel that way, but building myself back up and getting my life back on track I’ve built so much strength that it’s rare I fold to the pressures of every day life, or crumble when a tragedy happens. So perhaps the tough love I experienced in some way helped, I really am able to self sooth and pick myself up at the absolute worst of times.
So the dream, we were talking and I got the apology that I will never hear, and then he told me I was the strongest woman he knows. It was just before I woke and probably why I remember it, but it meant something and gave me something to heal a little bit more of the wounds of the past.
Dreams are a funny thing, I know that I have had simultaneous dreams with people I’m close to. I’ve had dreams that have turned out to tell me of future events. I’d had a distressing one just before ‘the one’ and I split about his business partner screwing him over and his studio being in trouble. Low and behold a couple of weeks after we split his studio got broken into and his business partner had some involvement.
So these dreams I get, what do they mean? Perhaps he had sent that message, the words he will never utter for real because there are things that happened that shouldn’t have. Nights worrying why he hadn’t come home, or the lack of communication or anger projected at me over things I simply had no involvement in. Or perhaps it’s my mind’s way of telling me it’s time to let go of these final few things and that I can move on.
Today’s astrology tells me it is a day of closure on the past and I think that’s what I got. Whether it was all in my mind or something sent through a connection that’s still slightly there, it has done that for me. The good thing is I’m not really worried where the source is, I’m not worried whether he’s actually sorry or whether he thinks I’m strong, because I know in my own mind that I’m strong and it doesn’t reflect on me if he’s sorry or not. Perhaps that’s sometimes the actual way to closure, when you learn that the actions of another were beyond your control, and therefore sorry isn’t relevant anymore. And when you know the strength of your own mind, what others think doesn’t matter either. Today I had slightly less worries, a bit of a happier heart. ‘Long Lost’ continues to be very sweet over text while he’s miles away. I connect with him a lot in my dreams, when I decided it was time to find the right person about a month ago I started to focus on finding him and being grateful to the universe for bringing us together. I started to dream of someone with his height, his hair, his eyes but he was blurry. It didn’t take long for this guy to get into contact after that and we’ve been connected ever since.
The mind is a powerful thing and if you can switch it towards focusing on what you want and being grateful for recovering it you normally get your heart’s desire. So perhaps my dream apology was the thing that I needed to break the final tie to the past that I didn’t know was still lingering…