Niceness overload

You ever get a hunch and know you’re right but then think that perhaps you’re being mean so you give a guy a chance? So I matched with a guy on Bumble, a student living here studying his masters. The messages were mushy, and just a bit much for me, so I cancelled the date. End of. Story done. No… he pops up again a month later, saying he’d waited, I felt bad, so on the spur of the moment agreed fine we’ll go on a date.

Initially he seemed sweet, was good looking and quite gentlemanly, we seemed to have similar music taste and he seemed to like my sarcasm. I wasn’t really all that sure but well I realised I’ve been very picky lately. Perhaps too picky? I dunno, perhaps I wasn’t ready for this, but he was very persuasive about a second date. And after a night of passion, well it seemed like it would be okay and hey so had nothing better to do.

Date night approaches, I’m feeling tired, to be honest I’m not that bothered but I already feel bad for this guy who is seemingly so attentive so I turn up. I’m driving, I don’t want to drink and it’s cold anyway. As I arrive he runs to my door to open it… really uncool. I’m so unhappy about being treated like I’m helpless! We go into the place and again he’s fussing over tables and chairs and my coat, I tell him straight I don’t want this. I can look after myself. He laughs and says he’s not used to European girls, that Latin Americans are more needy. I reassure him I’m very not needy in any way whatsoever so he can stop!

We order food and he won’t let me pay my way, my heckles are already up! I’m not sure how much more I can take because I just won’t be bought, or owned or well anything. I’m not ready for anything I’ve decided already, not with anyone yet alone him and yet this guy appears to think we’re together!

Food arrives and he fusses over napkins, stupid stuff, I just cannot take any more of this, there’s only so much polite I can be and my face aches from fake smiling. I think I’m done. I excuse myself to go and vape. I don’t really need to but god I need to get away from the pressure of him. I get back and he says he missed me, I just can’t reciprocate, there is nothing. I just want to go home.

It’s the end of the date and I excuse myself to go home. He insists on walking me to my car and attempts to open the door, it makes me so angry. I’m not going to see him again, I’d decided this probably about an hour before. I just can’t deal with this level of overly nice mollycoddling. See I’m a woman, a very independent do my own shit kinda girl. I don’t need help to do simple things. I don’t need a guy to open my door, male patronising comments when I did something clever, I live my life in my own right and I’ve earned it.

I guess the culture differences were too much? Or this guy was just a creep I don’t know! But I’d actually rather have a best friend than a knight in shining armour anyway. So this dickhead in tinfoil won’t seem me for dust. Today’s messages got ignored, I’m too over it to even read them. It just makes me wonder how men can get this stuff so wrong. Or is it not normal to want to do things for yourself? The barrage of messages about, I understand you’re your own woman, I’m here for you etc. Are just the empty words of the guy who wants control, a little woman who fits in a box… there isn’t a box big enough sorry… it’s impressive how empty nice can inspire almost a feeling of hate, because I’m aware that his intentions threaten my happy existence and I’m not yielding to that. Time to concentrate on work I think, its mentally stimulating and a lot more interesting… if it smells like controlling, it acts like controlling all covered sugar, it’s definitely controlling… no thanks!


One thought on “Niceness overload”

  1. Someone who won’t respect your boundaries don’t deserve your time. It amazes me that men who have the chilvary card taken off the table literally don’t know how to impress a woman or even just treat her like an equal.
    Like you, I won’t tolerate ‘too nice’. Either be real or move on.

    Liked by 1 person

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