I met a guy, a friendly BT Engineer, yes yet another Tinder Date… well not sure if this can be defined as a date, perhaps this fits exactly into the Netflix and Chill Category. His photos, super fit, nice smile… seemed nice, good banter. Well why would I not meet this guy? It transfers to text message… thank god for that… hate WhatsApp stalkers… yes I’m online and no I’m not replying to you right now… there could be a myriad of reasons, I’m dealing with childcare stuff, chatting to my friends, talking to other guys, so what… chill! Anyhow I digress…
So nice smile BT guy and I have some gutter talk aver text, no phone calls… good… I don’t like speaking to people at the moment, they’re hassle. He seems nice, funny, blah blah so we arrange for him to come over… for well you know… a girl witch has gotta get her quota of souls to stay young some how…
I’m excited-ish, his additional photos seemed promising. His promises, well if he lived to to all of those I was gonna be doing less Netflix. Good start.
So he drives over to see me, I get a knock at the door expecting a well built Valley’s guy… well… yes he’s in proportion and yes he’s well built but, have you ever seen the film Spinal Tap? If you haven’t you should. Remember the scene where they give the drawing of stone henge over to the set designer on A4 paper but the set designer doesn’t get that it’s not to scale and well the result is the end of the blockbuster gig becoming a comedic anticlimax of a 2 foot tall monument with bigger “little people” dancing round it? Yeah…. So well built perfectly in proportion nice smile Guy is well fun sized… I was not prepared for fun sized… I didn’t close the door in his face, well he’d driven a bit of a way, I though well to hell with it, a soul is a soul, fun sized or not. At least this one didn’t seem to have short man syndrome!
So we go upstairs, get busy, to be fair proportionality has failed in some places thank goodness! He doesn’t live up to his promises… and to be honest his twittering on about crap is starting to do my head in. He asks me if I’m a geek, I explain I’m an Uber Geek, his idea of geeky is people who like batman! Oh my dear… there is so much more to being a geek than Batman! I like Metal, he likes Rap… when I get enthusiastic about Anthrax and Body Count together he says “Oh no, I only like Eminem”… oh dear! This is a one time and one time only Netflix and Chill event for me at this point!
I put on my favourite Cartoons, starting with Rick n Morty, moving to Bojack, he doesn’t seem to get it. He isn’t a geek at all! Sweet though he is, Stone Henge isn’t for me. He laughs that the TV in my bedroom is small… I think well your TV is in your mother’s house. And I laugh at the fact he’s never coming back.
He has to head off (thank goodness because his incessant wittering is annoying me) he’s got to be up early for work. I say my goodbyes and off he goes.
I’m not sure if he thinks we’re in a relationship now… now most 28 year old guys don’t want to be and that makes them safe to mess with. He already keeps texting that he misses me… puke… after a few hours I text back oh sorry I’ve been busy, hope your day way okay… I think I’ll leave him calm down a few days… can’t be dealing with feelings and shit!
…Stonehenge! Where the demons dwell
Where the banshees live and they do live well
Stonehenge! Where a man’s a man
And the children dance to the Pipes of Pan..