Back to normal

With a bump I hit normality today, my alarm going off, me snoozing it for a full forty five minutes every nine minutes until it really was time to get my lazy arse out of bed. Oh man! Oh why? Monday morning blues on a Wednesday!

No proud mom school uniform Facebook posts with neat hair and a school tie were achieved, a. Because no school tie is in existence in this household, she needs a new one and had to buy one today… but they had already run out and well, b. neat hair is asking just a bit too much of little miss grunge extraordinaire herself. So we left it. She really isn’t that bothered.

I rifle through the wardrobe to find something office suitable, just about get my act together, scrape back my hair into a high ponytail and there’s how today is going to go. Papering over cracks today, making the best of shakey foundations till the day is over. It’s okay though, this is the first day back after just over a week of well earned rest, tomorrow will be better. I get in to find everything I left behind in a state of stasis, not so bad I guess, at least is hadn’t been meddled with which is normally worse.

I was not a people person today, I felt cold, the weather is so cold compared to the too hot temperatures that I’ve just left. I’d decided I should show off my slight tan on my legs so no tights… error… aircon made me freeze today! I guess I can’t win, tomorrow I’ll be more prepared… Winter is coming… winter is here if you trust the aircon in the office.

It was good to get back on the bike and zip to work though, and even better to get on the bike and zip home, plus my biker gear is warmer than the dress I wore to work today. Thoughts pass through my mind about how the hell I can become a millionaire tonight so I don’t have to do this again. I consider just becoming a Deliveroo rider so I can get paid to ride my bike all day… yes I know that’s a stupid idea…

I get home to puppers and daughter and life is instantly better. Daughter tells me about evil RE teacher, puppers show me how well behaved they’ve been, well apart from the tub of Ghee butter that the Malamute just ate… and the discovery that the Abominable Andrex Puppy has also stolen the toilet roll… but hey, they’re forgiven because of their waggy tails.

Life is okay, actually life is awesome even when you’ve just come down to earth with a bump. If you look for the small stuff, for me the fact I had enough ingredients in my cupboard to magic up home cooked food, the fact the shop is only 2 minutes walk from my house when I needed to run out and buy emergency loo roll… discovery happened via the shouts of “Mom! There’s no toilet roll!” And because I was slightly organised yesterday my favourite jeans were washed and dried ready for me to get out of work clothes and into more suitable “not doing much” gear.

I award my self a badge of achievement today for no audible C words and only one F word in the office. I managed to keep my inside voice in mostly… And also my genius rendition of the Little Mermaids song reworded to “I wanna be where the people aren’t”. Getting my peers to all spend the day humming Belinda Carlisle songs because I entered the office singing “we dream the same dreams…” just because…

It’s sucks that it’s only half seven at night and the light is fading already… Winter isn’t quite here… but if there’s an Ice Dragon on its way I will be sailing to a far off land till winter is gone.

So as I dream about sunshine, butterflies and not having a day job I consider my options for the evening, I recon my best laid plans can well just wait… the gym won’t cry if I don’t attend today, the supermarket can come to me when I can remember to put in this online order without wandering off because it’s boring. Tonight we are just relaxing, not worrying about stuff and living till the weekend which I’m hoping will be lazy. It’s been just over six weeks since I stopped antidepressants and I’m actually feeling just fine. It’s just over two years since the split with my daughter’s dad and I feel heeled. A bad day now is not really a bad day when I put my daily grumbles into perspective. No system crashes, no need to hide from my thoughts, I think the damage is fixed, the cracks I papered over today we’re simply tried eyes bags and greasy hair, that’s a hell of a lot better than the broken soul and the cracked mind held together with the “Trust me I’m okay!” Smile that was present only four months ago. The sparkle is back and I’m ready to seize the fun in even the dullest of days. Perhaps this time Tinderella is ready to do this living life to the fullest for real, guess you’ll just have to watch this space…


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