Marrakech it’s been… err… interesting…

Marrakech oh Marrakech, what a place! I think I’ve seen enough! As I sit on the plane awaiting takeoff I reflect on what I’ve seen. It’s been an enlightening journey of discovery from the depths of my own mind to variances in human behaviour. I was expecting something similar to the “Tunisia” experience but what we got was perhaps a little different, or perhaps the world has just changed somewhat since the last time I went to North Africa five years ago before the terrible troubles that day on the beach in Souse.

So with a happy heart and a carefree mind I boarded the plane and here’s what I learned;

There really are places in the UK where the people exist who actually vote Brexit, read the sun, ignore their wives and perv at women right in front of their very eyes (seriously bro… what was that about?) and teach their sons not to go to school, and yet somehow these people are allowed out to see the world just like everyone else, but they only seem to learn that other religions are bad and therefore they were right and will go back to their tiny hills, dales and valleys to live back in the misery and grimness from whence they came and will be happy in the misery. This was an impressive show of chauvinism, sexism, racism and ignorance all rolled into a worryingly large proportion of the UK holiday making males congregated around the pool at points during our holiday… scary.

There are some people who firstly do not know that Wales isn’t in England, that Cardiff is in Wales and that Cardiff is the Capital of Wales. This shocked me when coming out of the mouth of a dentist from Surrey, she seemed so educated! Okay so you don’t need to know this I guess if you’re to do whatever it is that dentists do… seems to be everything from fillings and checkups to Botox these days… if they can magic a certificate out of their arse to display in their waiting rooms you can guarantee your dentist will be doing it… but I would think that the person I’m trusting with my teeth would have some sort of idea of the world outside of their county’s boundaries… too much… clearly… okay hit me up with the good stuff bitch and I’ll leave you dentists alone… £900 to freeze my face? Nah you’re alright… I’ll just stick to a high ponytail and Nivea cream thanks all the same!

Where was I? Oh yeah… Marrakech… right… motorbikes… you don’t need a helmet and you can carry the whole family including your farm… yes your farm as in your chickens and your sheep on that motorbike too. If you don’t have a motorbike you can use a donkey, this is fine. Rules of the road? If there’s a gap, drive in it, that gap is your gap, you go for it, wrong side of the road? Who gives a shit? Just drive in it! You’ll like it, as Dr Pepper says… what’s the worse that can happen? Well death perhaps… but… details…

Festivals are for killing stuff, preferably with lots of blood. We managed to go on both the festival for killing the pigs and celebrating colouring their skin for the leather… great… and the festival for killing the sheep. Three days before, every family it seemed in the city was leading their well raised lamb, often by motorbike or in the boot of a taxi, to the slaughter. Ever seen a sheep on a motorbike? I have… again I can’t really criticise this, it’s a cultural thing that’s hidden in the UK, how we raise and kill our food. At least in Morocco they fully understand what they’re eating and don’t waste one single bit of it. As can be testified by one of the diners at the hotel’s very own traditional Morocan restaurant where sheep’s brains (gag) were the set starter… mommy I wanna get off!

Men will be men and women will just, well, tut. Like really? Your husband is an arsehole love and you’re just tutting? Seriously kick that bastard in the balls so he has something to tut about. It did not matter the race or religion I saw this from a lot of men on this holiday. Our northern friend who was frequently freaking out girls around the pool by tickling their feet, if he had come near me I would have kicked his nose clean off his face, a really creepy German guy who followed a pair of eighteen year old girls to their hotel room asking to come in. He was kicked out of the hotel. A married man overheard asking a male waiter if he could pay to sleep with a waitress… whilst his wife and son were sat at the dining table! What is wrong with these people? Has the world gone mad?

Cameras held by photographers who follow the religion of Islam will break and be tainted if the image of a homosexual is to be captured. Yes that is right, a rather lovely guy and his mom, holidaying right here with us we’re not allowed to have their photo taken by the hotel photographers because he was gay and would therefore bring doom to the world. Yes let me repeat that, if you are Gay and you go to Morocco your very image will break the world, all hell will break loose and then the streets will run with blood again…

Okay so I’m sounding a little negative here, this is probably because I just had to fill out god knows how many forms so I could leave the country, I’m still not sure what these forms are for, I recon they just make a big fire every month for shits and giggles…

When I asked if there was a smoking room at the airport (as there always always is) I was lead to the disabled toilet, possibly the most surreal thing ever, smoking in a disabled loo, underneath an evidently disabled smoke detector, and also the sink appeared to be wired up to a plug… I have no logical explanation for how or why this was. I am still baffled by the idea that the smoking area is the disabled loo and I had to pay a tip to the man that locked and then unlocked the door. This in a weird way has made my day, this is potentially one of the most bonkers things I’ve ever witnessed. We were scanned into the airport, passport checked. Scanned at the check in desk, passport checked. Scanned again at the security scanning desk, had to remove my boots… not happy, female guard copped a feel of my boobs… weird… we were then passport checked and filled out another form, then passport checked again and finally allowed to go wait for the plane, after all that security…. the official place to have a cigarette is in the disabled loo!!! You cannot make this shit up?!?

Okay, so things that were positive, time with my daughter and that was amazing, we had chats, we walked, we petted the animals in the complex, we took pictures of everything awesome that we saw, we had a great time and she was safe in the complex that she could go to the lobby and get her wifi fix if she wanted to and then come back and sunbathe.

The secret garden, my own little piece of undisturbed, bar the odd tortoise, paradise where I read an awesome book and pondered my little mind away at the world according to Rebecca Du Moriet.

Food was all paid for, it was okay, the icecream was fantastic however.

I got a few more brown dots than I had before to show that there’s been sun near my skin.

I think both me and my daughter are coming home with a better appreciation of each other, I mean we’ve always been close but I feel we got closer. We also have an appreciation for our own beds, the city we live in and what we have right there in our house that we so often take for granted. And of course… dogs, we missed our dogs. Once you are a proud mother of dogs, dog mom you will always be, they are just a way of life. So puppers! We’re on our way! We can’t wait to see your waggy tails and smiley faces (both our dogs are smilers) as soon as we walk through the door! Puppers of House Du Moriet we salute you! May your fur be forever glossy and your tails forever waggy…

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