Stealth Sunbathing ponders…

Today like a mistress of stealth I have discovered the best way to get peace and quiet when you’re on holiday. Go to the place where’s there’s a ton of trees, no sun beds and nowhere near the pool. This is paying off massively.

I’m laying in the middle of what feels like my own private garden surrounded by exotic plants and wildlife and not a screaming kid or big red potbelly in sight. Also most importantly not an animation rep in sight either!

I get it, lots of people go on holiday waiting for entertainment to be provided for them and their loved ones 24/7 because the idea of being left to potentially deal with their own thoughts is a scary one. Or worse still having to spend time with their loved ones… queue sounds for horror movie music… cuts to scene where streets run with blood… woman screams and the screen goes black. I get it… there is always too much of a good thing, you rarely actually spend all your time with your loved ones. Scary prospect, what if you do and discover you really don’t like them? That really would suck, and nuking thier existence is frowned upon so you really would have to live with that terrible truth. Been there once, will try my damndest never to do that again!

So here I sit in my secret garden surrounded by native tortoises and lizards, reading a book without a care in the world. Every now and again someone ventures past and wonders what the weird lady in the blue bikini is doing but they don’t stay long. Still relatively pale in comparison to everyone else save the crops of freckles that have started to appear.

I’m enjoying observing the human behaviour on the sun terrace not far from me. We have Mr ‘drank too much because it’s all inclusive and I have to get my money’s worth even though it’s 40 degrees out here and I’m dehydrated to fuck’. We have Miss ‘I’ve got a billion towels, clips to keep my towels in place, a special sunbathing pillow and I’m still not really all that comfortable’. There’s the usual brown to the point of handbag people, that’s a colour I realised a long time ago is unobtainable for me and actually I think I’d look a bit strange if it happened… my near death experience with a spray tan confirms this! Plus that thing went flakey after a week and took forever to actually come off properly.

Nope, sticking to pale, with brown dots and as fewer wrinkles as possible.

I think my next holiday will be a cold one. I’m considering a trip to see the northern lights, or similar. I’ve always fancied seeing the world’s shortest day just the experience how it feels. The good thing is with cold holidays is that there are no pot bellies on show and you don’t have to worry about your bikini body scaring away the natives. In the mean time perhaps I’ll just make do with a wander round the freezers in Iceland and a bit of a shop in Ikea… I like holidays but I do often get to the point of wondering why I’m here… a holiday for me is about getting away and seeing a different way of life. So staying in the complex is out of the question for me, otherwise I may as well have just paid £7.50 for 10 minutes on a sunbed and sat in the back garden, paying for someone to come and make my bed for a week. Less hassle, no planes, no stress of worrying I’ve forgotten my passport, or will somehow loose my boarding pass in between check in and getting on the plane. The usual stuff.

So tomorrow we’re back off to the other side of Marrakech to see what’s there. Exploring Boots back on, let’s see what the world has in store for us!


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