Night off

So I’m taking a night off. My daughter at her dads. Me exhausted from trying to make something work in the office that still won’t run quite properly, and an exhausted developer bless him who is probably very tired of me right now… I was meant to be meeting someone, but I cancelled he can wait for another day and will if he’s worth my time. After the information overload of the past few months, it’s time to chill and reflect on my day, my week, my month perhaps even my year so far.

The busy city buzzes past as I sit in my house by the window in my own place of calm, to have a think about stuff. It’s well and truly a PJs and Netflix night. Perhaps with some contemplation on where I’m at. Wet hair, face pack on, horror on the TV, life doesn’t get much more relaxed.

There are days when I’m itching to get outside, meet people, speak to them, but today isn’t that one. Today is a day for replying to the odd message, regrouping my thoughts and perhaps planning my future a little. Whilst I’m not the type to plan everything to the letter, I like to have an idea of the direction I’m headed. That what will I do to better myself, where do I want to travel, who with and how. Life today is an open book, and I like it that way. I write my own story with no reliance on anyone else’s input, just my own. If people want to come along for the ride then if I like them they’re welcome. But this is my story so I will be leading the way.

The guy I was meant to meet tonight is already messaging me ten to the dozen, I’ve already kind of decided I don’t think he’s for me. Plus there’s the other guy I think I’m now seeing, who knows how this stuff works these days, so I’m not his until he asks nicely I don’t give myself away so easily these days. I may have changed my mind by that point anyway. Mr Clingy 2 has now apparently got the message, Mr Clingy 3 seems to have as well although he’s on a filming project so might just be busy. Mr Clingy 4 and 5 are cooling off thank goodness and Mr Elite is working in the Middle East! Peace and quiet! Don’t think I’ll be seeing him again though, he bores me, I’m done with that dating site full of men who are all talk looking for a wife… no thanks.

There’s a new interest although I worry his recent PhD and now unemployment makes him slightly less suitable for me, but he’s interesting to talk to, might just keep him for a while and see where it leads.

Today is for writing, thinking and doing my own thing. The stress of the gossip seems to have died down. I wonder about that. What is it that makes a girl so damaged that she has to attack all others in her sight, rather than bettering herself so she feels less insecure? I pity her, I hope she gets fixed. She would have been perfect for ‘the Stand in’ they could have criticised everyone with their own overly high unobtainable standards together whilst rolling in kitty litter and drinking shit wine, probably wearing dressing gowns over their clothes. What a sight to behold!!! Not that he would find her attractive. To be fair that guy was fit and healthy just a little bit narcissistic in his approach. When a guy repeats constantly to you “I should shake your ex’s hand because he’s given you such low standards, I can’t do anything wrong!” That’s gonna lead me to thinking that I’m clearly out of his league. Also the constant reminder of my ex just made me feel like there was no way to move on because this guy couldn’t stop bringing him up! I hate people who score points!

The Sad Mechanic used to do this all the time too, he poured through their Instagram pages encouraging me to get angry for his own entertainment, I learnt not to rise to it. Why in the hell would I want to look at that? I’m moving on! Nope, today is positive, stuff got done, I have time to myself, and the people who hate can stay hating themselves.

The past is the past, learn and leave it. Like the littlest hobo I wander through life, maybe tomorrow I’ll wanna settle down, but till tomorrow, I’ll just keep moving on…

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