There’s always a point when your life becomes hot gossip, even if it’s just for a little while. Generally the people who are interested in analysing your every move are those with well… just not that much going on in their sad little lives. The idea that someone they know… kinda know is even better… is having some sort of life that seems exciting is more temptation than they can bear to stop them digging, pouring over every scrap of information they can glean together in order to build a picture and piece together that conclusion that they seek so badly, before probably putting on a dressing gown (yuck) and watching Big Brother because drama is everything to the person that has none and so needs to create it.
Some gossips are those that hate themselves so much, probably because there’s something deep down so desperately missing that they will tell as many people as possible to get some sort of attention because without it nobody really likes them.
Friends of mine who I’ve invited to follow my blog are the honoured few who I know will take and understand my story, it’s not always an easy one to write, but this place gives me an outlet when there’s not always space in my day to day life to get the stories out that trouble my mind.
Here’s the thing with the gossips, most of the time they’re there on the sidelines, adding to the storm if you don’t keep them at arms length. There are times in the past when I’ve let these people too close and been hurt in the process. I have no time for negativity. My life got better the day that the bad thoughts about people and situations stopped.
Exciting though my life now may seem on the outside, it is because I made it that way. Rather than spending my nights alone on my sofa crying, making plans to end it, wondering how much it would hurt if I did, thinking about the people and things I would leave behind and wondering if it mattered, as I had so many times at the beginning of my awakening into the life I have now. I take every opportunity the universe puts in front of me, follow the path of most excitement and leave the behind the path of least resistance. Not the choice for everyone, but certainly the choice for me.
The words I write have purpose, they are my therapy, I make sense of the thoughts that cloud my head as I write and re-write and analyse the feelings they bring. The words I write resonate with others who have similar thoughts, perhaps not the same, or have never thought that way and want to explore the minds of others.
When a negative person sits on the sidelines of your life, they enjoy your struggle. They add to your struggle, they don’t want your struggle to end, because their small source of excitement ends too. These people are what is known as energy vampires. And if you rise to them they will suck the life soul out of you. When your partner is cheating, they’ll be comforting you and most likely the other person in question not because they care, but because it gives them every last drop of negative to take and dwell on for their own perverted use.
They love to shit stir because they love the smell of their own bullshit… clouding the clear water of your life with their words of sewage, like they are the judge and the jury. Because they live by a set of morals and laws for other people above the standard of those they would ever be able to attain themselves.
Like the girl who stares at your outfit looking to see if you have a bit of a pot belly when they can barely fit into their own jeans. When we spend too long in the lives of others without permission we damage the person in question if they are not strong enough to deal with the negativity and destroy our own in the process, because our fat stupid mouth runs words without thoughts.
We all have skeletons, I’m not ashamed of mine, they made me who I am today and give me something to reminisce when I’m 90 years old and frail with that twinkle of mischief being all that remains. But that twinkle in my eye tells you there’s more behind the face, the hair, the smile and the body I work hard to maintain. I’m not just another girl with nothing but Eastenders, the cocktails I’m drinking so that people will like me or cheap clothes from the sweat shop store to fill my empty, sad little life. I’m badass because I want to be, because I realised quickly that I don’t wish to be yet another clone of the stereotype that the gossip tells me I should be.
The words of the gossip are not going to shackle me into stopping what I like doing. My life has its own rules and they are the rules I made myself. With the liberating feeling of “fuck you” in my head, my story carries on.
Now to kill off Mr Clingy 2,3,4 and 5… breaking up when there’s nothing there to break up in the first place, just the mythical relationship they created in their head is often the hardest to do.
And… The one who made me forget stayed over last night… he’s going to be tired in work today…