When you know what you want but…

I think the older you get the pickier you get, or perhaps it’s more that you know what you want and realise you can afford to wait for it. Your standards get higher when you realise your worth. But it makes it that little bit harder when you meet someone new but they don’t quite tick all the boxes.

The worst is when they tick all the right boxes, the attraction is there, the personality matches yours, they seem so right but their lifestyle the practical stuff doesn’t quite meet yours and that makes you start to consider how much effort it’s worth.

A lot of men I meet who are my own age are either out of shape or just that little bit desperate. Perhaps I’m looking in the wrong places… younger men, match me in personality can keep up with me… I’m demanding… but lack that ability to commit, they have no idea what they’re doing with their life blah blah…

The problem, I find a guy who’s seemingly nice but he wants waaaaay too much too soon, they smother you, I need balance. I’m at a point in my life where I’m not willing to just play second fiddle to a guy’s ego, become his baby oven or pool my finances. Especially if he’s not going to take an interest in the stuff I like, it’s not hard to find something there, the list of likes for me is eclectic and long.

On the other hand, if we like the same music, want to travel, he’s either too insecure to accept that I can pay when he can’t, or scared of commitment because he doesn’t think he’s got enough to offer so runs before he’s dumped… comes back time and time again but just can’t stay… like trying to tame a very timid wild animal… thing is I don’t want them tame….

Why can’t I find a guy my age who is still in shape, not obsessed with owning me, or married already to someone he hates…

Or a slightly younger guy who doesn’t have what I’m starting to call “Millennial syndrome”, unable to communicate verbally, must be through texts, emojis and memes, not able to be responsible for the simple stuff that I at a very young age in comparison was. The Peter Pans of the dating world!

I don’t think I’m alone here. You’ve worked hard, raised kids, got a career, done a lot of it if not all yourself, you’ve become a queen with out needing a king. It takes one hell of a man to step up to be at the side of a queen who’s already got it covered and there’s not many men who can! They want a princess not a queen and I’ve graduated from that.

See, I don’t want some guy who’s just gonna do everything to please me, that would be a servant and it’s boring. I want a guy who’s gonna challenge me, but also not run off scared because my Queendom is too hard for him to conquer. In fact why the hell does he need to conquer me?

The worst thing is, I don’t play hard enough to get when I like a guy. It’s very easy to ignore the ones I don’t like, and then they think you’re playing games so try harder. When I like one I reply to texts too quick, I’m far too accommodating and take on the man’s role in the relationship because I’ve generally got all this shit covered and I’m used to it. I hate playing games. I think I’m just gonna have to learn to play them.

The backwards moral of the story here… ignore someone you really like, he’ll try a million times harder, do nothing for him. Sure laugh at his jokes etc. Go against all your feminist, equality beliefs and let the man pay! Okay offer to go halves, buy some drinks but seriously they have an issue if you pay for lunch… even when they’re skint!!?!

Chase the ones you really don’t like, they’ll happily slink off into the friend zone never to be heard from again.

Dating when you’ve got your life fully together and they haven’t difficulty score 11/10…

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