The last goodbye

Sometimes you can’t hold on to someone no matter how hard you try. Sometimes your efforts to be the person you feel they deserve makes you bend and push and distort yourself to the point you’re just not sure who you are anymore.

Sometimes dreams die and you should grieve them like a real death. It’s okay to grieve, it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to be human. People make promises and break them, they meant them when they made them they just couldn’t live with the gravity of what they promised.

He said he didn’t want any ties. He’d been to visit friends who had just got engaged after traveling the world, our life long dream that we couldn’t have, well not right now perhaps one day but it was too much for him to feel the disappointed of another shattered dream of so many dreams he’d had that were shattered and so he set me free.

I never wanted to become a wife, not before I had met him. I never understood what marriage could have meant before I met him. I waited so long for him to become himself again. I waited for the promises of soon and one day but they didn’t come, he gave up instead.

Dont let your heart rule your head they always say, but then follow your heart they say too. Here we sit at opposite ends, me following my heart, his head ruling and his head winning.

The loss is like a hole, it’s cavernous inside my soul where the soul mate that once lived has taken himself away.

Whilst I want to love again I’m not sure I can. Everything ends in goodbye one day whether you are the one leaving or the one being left behind living with the loss.

There is no other way than to grieve the death of the dreams and bury them deep in the ground cremated letting them go back into the universe like a wish that the dreams will one day be fulfilled.

Sometimes these dreams were just a glimps of the future dreams you can’t have yet. I won’t give up, I’ll find new dreams one day and pursue them with an open heart, when these dreams that I had are truly dead and buried to be reborn as something new.

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