Dr Yesterday was my boyfriend for a brief period just before My ex. He was the one who’d left me heart broken and insecure at the age of 21 giving probably any guy who tried his way in. Sometimes when me and my ex argued I’d wonder what could have been. It was one of those whirl wind things, I’d been swept off my feet by this student doctor who seemed to have it all together and then just like that it ended. No explaining, no reasons, nothing.
My ex knew him, we all worked behind the bar in a pub to pay our rent. He hated him, had a million reasons to hate the tall, student doctor who had a clear route into the army straight after uni, he was already an army officer.
Years went past, My ex and I split and a Facebook invite appeared from Dr Yesterday. So I accepted. Nothing much else happened, the odd message. He was up in mid Wales living on his small holding, retired from the army, working one day a week as a locum GP. On paper he was perfect but something didn’t feel quite right.
We met up in March after I’d split from the one. We started talking and he was telling me all about how great his life was. It went from a nice chat to, “Oh God I’ve missed you”, then “You can still have more children can’t you?”.
The date ended with a goodnight kiss and I decided the myth of Dr Yesterday was over. I had closure on him, he wasn’t the man I’d loved back then. Then the messages… “I miss you, I want to be back with you…” the guilt again. I replied coldly and they just got worse. The crux of them being, “You don’t need your career now, you and your daughter can move to Mid Wales and live with me, I’ll buy you both a horse and you don’t have to work any more.” Another guy who just didn’t get me. I like my career, it’s tricky sometimes but it’s mine. I like my house, it’s not perfect but it’s mine. When I get my own horse I will have earned it.
He wanted to meet me half way, told me he’d wine and dine me, the usual. It just wasn’t what I wanted. This guy on paper was perfect but I knew if I was with him I’d have to become someone I’m not. I could hardly share the things I love doing with this guy, he was not a metal head like me and he may have a motorbike but his was boring and middle aged. He was after a wife, an oven for his kids and it didn’t matter who. I would not have been happy with this guy, I would have just become another of his many possessions and I wasn’t interested.
So I said goodbye to the ghost of Dr Yesterday, at least I had closure. The wondering what might have been ended. It turns out even though I’d not been the happiest with Skater Boy all the time I may have been just as unhappy with Dr Yesterday if not more so and I wouldn’t be the girl I am today. So here’s to being independent and free! I’d rather be myself and struggling than having to act to earn my dinner…